I would so love to be one of those people who can walk into a crowded room, smile, speak intelligently (or at least endearingly), and leave a generally good impression. You know them--the little bursts of light and sound that everyone loves. They can keep a conversation in the air like it's a feather, while the rest of us have bricks falling on our heads.
I tend to walk into a social gathering half-hidden behind my husband, wearing a look usually seen only on the faces of terrified animals with large eyes, and I generally find that I have absolutely nothing to say to anyone, even if they are speaking to me and waiting for me to return some form of communication. My brain is screaming, "Speak! Say something...anything. Open your mouth!" but all I can do is smile and look nervous. Hopefully this comes across as shyness and not mild mental retardation.
I can stand up and give a speech, in front of hundreds if necessary, but put me in a room full of strangers--or even worse, acquaintances, and I will shrivel up and die within five minutes.
I am undoubtedly, perhaps incurably, socially awkward. My family always thought I was aloof, maybe a little snobbish. For a while during my college years I believed I could pass myself off as mysterious, but now I must face the truth: I belong in a cabin in the woods. I am the next Emily Dickinson, only without the poetic genius.
I should begin the blueprints for my hermitage immediately.
:)
Centered in God, Not in Ourselves
8 years ago
3 comments:
I completely relate to this. During social gatherings, unless they are with intimate friends, I stare at the floor or my hands as much as possible, generally failing to begin or maintain a decent conversation with anyone. Then, hours later, when it is over and done with, I think of countless witty anecdotes that could have saved me. :)
You know, I often find myself in feeling the same. Sometimes, even when I am with a friend, I simple run out of things to say. I read a portion of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and it helped a bit. Mostly people enjoy talking about themselves or things they deem important - partially because we are all vain, selfish little creatures and partially because these topics are very familiar. If I can find a way to tap into that well then I just get to listen and that, I find, is much easier. So try that maybe next time you are forced to spend an evening with people you hardly know. It may make the night go by quicker at least.
We live in a hermetic world, don't we?
-Joel
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